7/4/2012 - July FAQ
It’s July here at Universal Error, as it likely is for many people all over the world. July always makes me feel open and generous, so I’ve decided to answer some popular questions from Universal Error fans. Enjoy!
“What are summers like for businessmen?”
I can’t speak for all businessmen, because some are lesbian women and some are dead, but summers for businessmen are a lot like summers are for a teenage girl. There is a lot of random crying, a lot of Ruffles cheddar and sour cream potato chips, and a lot of important business decisions. My most important business decision this week was to start drinking coffee again. I stopped drinking coffee a couple of months ago because of my anxiety, and I really felt better, but it just sounded really good so I started again.
“How has the role of a CEO changed in the 21st Century and especially in light of recent corporate fraud and immorality?”
CEOs are not seen as people anymore – they’re seen as villains. I think it’s important to remember that anyone would do what these supposedly corrupt CEOs did, if given years of unlimited power, minimal oversight, and important peers to impress. These CEOs are just trying to feed their pet tigers like the rest of us.
“I have a great idea for a Universal Error product. How can I submit it?”
Judging by your stuffy syntax, I’m guessing your idea really sucks and we would never use it. And anyway, I’m not involved in product design. You can contact my subordinate Chelsea with these kinds of things: email@example.com. You can contact me with poems about outer space, links to articles about the stock market, and recipes for summer appetizers: firstname.lastname@example.org.
"What environmentally conscious policies does Universal Error operate with?”
We only use organic, sustainable, fair-trade tea and milk during our monthly UE meetings, we never buy anything on Amazon, we buy sewing thread second-hand from local independent thrift stores, and I don’t let my employees buy a Brita filter because I’m against plastics.
“LA or NY?”
LA. I have too many ex-business partners in NY.
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